The Dance

It was a Tuesday evening and I was dancing the first dance with my friend Anny, a tall brunette in a flowy dress. A sunflower yellow dress, matching the glow of the summer day. The dress swung gracefully as we were swaying to the sounds of the band warming up. Anny, who had been twisting her hands and staring at her feet more than normal, suddenly made eye contact. “Emily”, she asked quietly, “Would you go out with me?” Spit pooled in my mouth, my tongue large. Too large to swallow. To speak. Then we lined up for the first dance. 

The other dancers twirled past us as I snuck a look at Anny. Her eyes met mine, and I promptly messed up my steps as she swung me around, collided with her, chest first, stepping on her foot. My face turned red, heat rushing up my neck and throat. Then her strong arms were there, steadying me. Her eyes were above me, crystal blue, like the sea. I hadn’t ever noticed before that her eyes were so blue.

“A-Anny” I stuttered, as soon as the fading music allowed. “I…I…” The words twisted themselves around my tongue and got stuck there. Heat prickled accross my face like needles. A deep breath moved through my chest. “We…” Before I could even get started, Anny cut me off. “Say yes.” I frowned, stepping back from her. “Anny”. It came out frosty. “We barely know each other. I like you, but it’s too fast. Can’t we take more time to get to know each other?” The band started playing again. A fast fiddle tune. We circled with the other dancers. The world moved fast around me as the dance moves blurred together.

Anny started talking as soon as the song ended. “Emily” she said. “You feel it. This, right here, between us.” She gestured, her hand drawing a line from my chest to hers. My eyes followed the hand, to the curve of her chest, outlined in yellow fabric. Then my gaze drew sharply back, to her face, to the curve of her mouth, already flowing over with more words. “Isn’t this all that matters? What else is there to know, really? The heart wants what the heart wants.” I took a sharp breath in. Anny’s eyes tracked my movements. She stepped towards me and her long, tall arms wrapped themselves around my back. “I’m not ready” I mumbled. She let go and my body felt wobbly without her support, my treacherous skin missing the warmth of her hands. I looked up to her, up, up, up. She was so tall. “Anny” My head was spinning. “It’s… It’s just that…” Anny’s blue eyes found mine. “It’s okay” she said. “We can take it slow.” Warmth spread in my belly as a smile spread on my lips. 

And then we danced. The edges of the ballroom blurred, colors melting into a soft smear. The end of one song melded into the beginning of the next. All felt was Anny, guiding my movements and the pulse of my heart. Her eyes never once left mine as she swung me around, again, and again. Then the music stopped, much too early. We faced each other, heated faces, sweat glistening on our temples. “Em”, Anny started speaking. Her lips were so red, her eyes so blue. Her lashes were wet with emotion. “You’re scared. Dating is scary. But please, let me take you out for a real date.” My feet took a small step back, my eyes still lock on to her face. Her lips continued to move, unrelentingly. “Please give me something here. Please say yes.” She was looking at her hands, twisting her fingers together and apart. And together. “What are you saying?” I asked. “Are you saying that it’s either that, or nothing? What if it’s too fast for me?” Anny gave me a small, heartbreaking, look. “I need to know you’re in this with me. Yes, or no?” I took a deep breath, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. “And if I say no, if I don’t let you control this, then you walk away?” The look in her eyes pierced my lungs, taking my breath away. “Yes Em. If you say no, then I’ll walk.” The lump moved all the way down as I swallowed. Down, down,  down, leaving a hard trace from my throat to my chest and into my stomach. “No”, I said, pressing out the word. Anny’s eyes grew cold. “Okay”, she said simply. “That’s your decision.” She turned and left. The yellow glow of her dress faded into the distance as I folded my arms around myself, curving inwards around the pain in my chest.