Guru Curry

I’m sitting in Julian’s office, watching a moth sputter energetically. The moth bounces off a wall, dusts herself off, flutters on, then hits another wall. Julian is watching me watch the moth. I seem to be distractable. I wonder idly whether the moth gets dizzy when she hits the wall. Whether she intends to hit the wall or is simply responding to unpredictable circumstances. Maybe we’re all just responding to unpredictable circumstances. Julian’s attention is steadfast, unwavering. His eyes never lose track of me. He radiates moving silence. Part of me wants to lose itself in Julian’s silence. 

We haven’t spoken much in the last few minutes. Both Julian and Mara are working on me today. Today we’re focusing on something that blocks energy from flowing into my third eye. I have a pronounced forehead tension that matches the energetic block. The tension feels familiar, yet amplified. In fact I am developing a bit of a headache. I wonder idly whether I am giving myself wrinkles. Whether the already existing wrinkles between my eyebrows will go away if we dissolve the energetic block. 

With the energy work come the memories. Julian asks me to lie down on the medical massage table. It makes a slight burr, bzz sound as he adjusts the height. Sitting next to my head he touches my forehead with his fingertips. My vision changes, becomes brighter. The headache fades. His fingers are slightly cold, long and gentle. I start to cry. 

Part of me remembers being young. My parents, my brother, home after school. Brillilant. Proud. I remember shrinking into the background, not wanting to draw any attention. They never said anything. They didn’t have to. It’s their silence, more than anything, that tells me I am a disappointment. My body shakes a little as I feel into these long-forgotten events. I don’t like feeling them. It seems disloyal. My parents are good parents. Mara touches my sternum, drawing my attention. She looks into me and the feelings shift. 

After the session Mara and I are taking a walk around the lake. The lake feels vibrant on a Friday night, lots of people out and about. I can hear a drum circle in the distance. “How are you doing?” Mara asks me. “Good”, I say. “I feel a lot more relaxed.” “Yeah, I can tell”, Mara answers. I like how easy it is to talk to her. There is something that happens when you do a bunch of energy work together. It makes you feel relaxed around each other. Like you’ve already seen each other’s dark places and you still like each other. 

“I used to come here with Nate and Sarah a lot”, I reminisce. “There’s an Indian restaurant nearby that we used to go to. Guru Curry. They have the best Tikka Masala. And a chai station where you can pour yourself tea.” I smile. Lots of fond memories of Guru curry. “Let’s go there.” Mara suggests. “I could go for a good curry.” I nod excitedly. “Yeah, why not.” I gesture for us to turn right, off the lake path and towards the street with all the restaurants. Mara follows me. 

At Guru Curry both of us grab cups of chai. I’ve become more of a tea drinker since hanging out with Julian and Mara. It’s slowly, but surely replacing my coffee habit. We order food. Mara orders the Tikka Masala, on my suggestion and I decide to try the Korma. I don’t think I’ve had it here before. “How is Nate?” Mara asks me. Nate has been coming to a few trainings with me and Mara in particular has taken a liking to him. “He seems good”, I say. “But then, Nate always seems good to me. I don’t think I’ve seen him feel bad much. Sometimes, I guess, when he and Sarah have a fight.” “How is his relationship with Sarah?” Mara asks. I smile inwardly, happy that we’re in a place with our friendship where a little bit of gossiping is okay. “They’ve been together a long time.” I say. “I think they might be in a little bit of a rut, if I’m honest. They used to radiate loving each other, but now they seem a little bit more like they’re living in parallel. I don’t think Sarah gets energy healing.” Mara nods understandingly. “It can be hard for relationships when one of the people is changing a lot”, she says. 

Our curries arrive, in silver ornamental bowls. The basmati rice smells sweet and clean. We start eating and are silent for a little bit. Good food, and all that. The food here truly is good. The music in the background has changed to something that sounds more classically Indian. The droning of the tambura is relaxing and deep. I notice that I’ve missed coming here and I wonder for a little while about why I haven’t been here in so long.