Clone Wars

“You hold onto friends by keeping your heart a little softer than your head,” the quote says, at the beginning of episode seven. My housemates and I are re-watching early episodes of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Our basement room is set up as a movie theater, with a big projector screen and worn in recliner couches. It’s one of the coziest places in the house. The Christmas lights in the corner provide just enough illumination to navigate the space, otherwise the room gets fully dark, even during the day. Perfect for late morning movies and video games.“Everyone ready?” Nate asks, before turning on the video.

I love clone wars a lot. It’s one of the best Star Wars things to have been made in quite a while, in my humble, but informed, opinion. Definitely beats the abominable new movies by a large margin. I like the setting of the show. We know the Jedi will lose the clone wars. We know most of them will die. Anakin will betray them. We can tell, as the viewers, that the whole proposition of fighting a war with clones is at least somewhat morally suspect. They’re showing us up close the seams of the Jedi setup and at the same time we get to see the incredible accumulated wisdom of the jedi lineage. Maybe such a thing works only as a combination package. It’s the fallibility that makes the Jedi seem human, and their humanity that makes their power believable. 

I talked to Murphy yesterday for the first time in a while. He’s been a bit more distant lately, or maybe it’s just that I’ve been a bit absorbed in Julian and Mara’s world.  Murphy doesn’t like the idea of Julian. We talked about that yesterday. “What do you guys see in him?” he asked me. I tried to explain. “He’s really smart, you know. And he talks about all these things I’ve never even heard of. It’s very always interesting.” I could hear myself sounding lame. I wanted to say something about the energy healing. About the way Julian and Mara are helping me change for the better. But it was just so hard to find the words. “Why do you not like him?” I asked instead. “He sounds really arrogant. And some of the theories seem… really not scientifically viable.” “Arrogant”, I repeated, wondering about the pot calling the kettle black. I knew Murphy worried about me. It was sweet, him being protective. I just didn’t know if I really wanted his protection. I could feel that he thought I was gullible. “I think you’re being too cynical,” I said. “It’s too easy to be cynical. It’s much harder to live in this world with hope.”

As the episode ends Nate turns on the lights. Murphy smiles at me, and I smile back sheepishly. Even though we don’t always agree, I’m more than glad we’re friends. All of us. There’s something about our little pod. Something I’ve never had before, or with anyone else. “Let’s make some lunch,” Sarah says as I follow her up the stairs into the kitchen. She opens the fridge to poke around for something to cook. Nate and Murphy sit down at the kitchen table, ready to help. I grab a glass of water, knives, and a cutting board. Sarah puts carrots in front of me, onions in front of Murphy, and peppers in front of Nate.  She puts on a pot of rice, and pulls out a wok. Next to the wok she puts and array seven different spice jars. “Vegetarian curry?” I ask. She nods. We’ve made this dish so many times that everybody knows what to do. Sarah throws onions, garlic and spices into the wok to simmer. The mixture smells spicy, and sweet as it cooks. My heart too feels sweet. And soft. And full. The spicy sweetness pervades my upper body, moving through my arms. It’s pink, shading into orange, making me happy and proud of what we have.